On Embracing the Unknown

On Embracing the Unknown

It’s easy to look back. It’s easy to wait. It’s easy to say, I’ll start tomorrow, or I’ll start when I get this, or do that, or when this happens, or life was better then or when I had this…and so on. But, it’s all bullshit. We’re scared of change. We’re scared that nothing will ever be as good as it was in the past and that’s why we place life in fate’shands. We let “fate” decide when change should happen. We blame “fate,” we call on “fate,” we trust “fate.”

I suppose this is on my mind because I am about to accept my diploma, and I am scared as hell. It’s in these moments, these big, monumental, turning points in our lives—that are really just another day in the life—that have a way of kicking us in the ass and force us to wake up, even if it is just for a second.

I have generally been pretty happy at my school. I transferred my sophomore year and I have always been extremely grateful with my choice, and that I found a school I could love so much. But even so, I did not wake up each morning and think to myself, wow how lucky am I to be here, in college!  But, as graduation inches closer and closer, that is honestly all I can say to myself each day. I am trying to savor every second, because all of the unknown ahead of me is frightening, it’s exciting, but…frightening. I’m just not ready for change.

I am comfortable. I like my routine here. I have made some of the best friends in my entire life here and our problems and stresses seem so trivial compared to “real-world” problems. My life, in a sense, is a bubble. It is confined to the edges of my campus. My issues revolve around how I can finish a paper so I can go out on a Tuesday night. It’s simple. But I look ahead, I look to my life when I leave this campus, and it’s fuzzy. I don’t have a desk job waiting for me in New York like most of my friends, I don’t have acceptances to grad school like some of my classmates, I just have the unknown. I don’t have it figured out. But, I’ve realized, no one does. No one has life figured out, because it is constantly changing. We’re all just winging it. Embracing change, embracing the unknown, that’s just a part of life.

One day I’m putting on my favorite purple dress for my first day of kindergarten, while my dad’s in the kitchen pouring maple syrup over silver dollar pancakes, and then the next day is today, and I’m adjusting my college graduation cap in the mirror with my roommates. And twenty years from now I’ll look back on today as being one day and that day will be today. It’s just how life goes.

Change is inevitable, but how you choose to accept change is up to you. I sometimes have to remind myself to be open minded. The best of times are not behind me. If I choose to not believe that, I am not going to make it far. So choose change, again and again. Choose what moves you forward, choose what makes you happy, embrace the unknown and all of the possibilities it has to offer. Maybe then, when fate finally comes knocking on your door, you’ll be too busy to answer, because you will already be living the life you have always wanted.